iSee It Now
by BeautifulxxDisasterx
Summary: Sam has always known that there was something that separated her and Carly. After Jonah, she knew what it was. seddie oneshot


_Summary: Sam has always known that there was something that separated her and Carly. After Jonah, she knew what it was. [slight seddie ONESHOT_

_Okay. I just need to stop this whole "plot bunnies have totally invaded my mind" thing. It just is not working._

_Disclaimer: Do not own iCarly nor the characters in it. I own plot, writing, stupid plot bunny, and Joe Jonas._

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**iSee It Now**

The cool night air brushed softly on my face as I walked home. The first few rain drops fell on my head as the sky darkened even more. I shook my head slightly, trying to clear my thoughts. Nothing seemed to make sense.

I stuffed my hands into the back pockets of my jeans. The rain pelted harder against me, big, fat droplets pouring down from the sky. My phone vibrated in my pocket, but I ignored it. I wasn't really in much of a mood to talk to anyone. I felt the rain begin to soak through to my skin, but enjoyed the cool water. It streamed down my face and soaked my blond hair.

My apartment building came into view, and I quickly entered. The doorman, Sal, greeted me, and I nodded in return. I let my feet walk me to the elevator, and I felt as though I was watching myself make these movements. As if I had left my body on auto pilot. I was soon in front of my room, and I opened the door. Silence greeted me, for my parents had left for a long weekend in Colorado.

I pushed my shoes off my feet and headed to my room to change into sweat pants and a t-shirt. I flipped the TV on and sat down, but I paid no attention to it.

My first real boyfriend, and I had to dump him because he liked Carly. The concept was still sinking in. I had never even seen it coming. I thought that Jonah liked me as much as I liked him. Back at Carly's I may have joked around about it and pretended like I didn't care, but in all honesty...I cared.

I had always been good at hiding my feelings.

Like with Freddie. I had given up on him a long time ago. He hadn't always been obsessed with Carly. A couple years ago he was just geeky Freddie, and I have to admit that I sort of started to like him. I wasn't as mean to him back then, but then he forgot about me and started following Carly around like a lost lovesick puppy. I found that it would be best if I just pretended I never cared about him, and was just mean to him. It worked for a while, but I started to miss how it was.

Then that kid in fifth grade came along, and I didn't miss Freddie as much. But then...

But then he told me he liked Carly.

I guess that was when it hit me in the face. Carly had always been my best friend, and there was nothing that would ever change that. But I had always known that there was something drawing a line between Carly and I, something that separated us.

It was only now that I knew what it was.

I was always second to Carly. Guys fell over at Carly's feet, but none ever did that to me. I was always a substitute for Carly. I was kind of like her sidekick. No one saw me because they were always making googly eyes at Carly. Thats what it was. I just couldn't compare to her.

When I thought that Jonah actually liked me for me, I didn't like him so much that I couldn't think straight. I was so into him because he made me feel ahead of Carly for once. He made me feel like I mattered. And I latched onto that feeling because I guess it was the only thing making me feel whole.

But I see it all now. I could never even come close to the great Carly, and that kind of took a piece of me away. I started building walls to keep people out because I was afraid that once they met Carly they'd forget about me. I couldn't get close to anyone when I was friends with Carly. So I just let myself be content with Carly and Freddie...more like just with Carly because Freddie had already left me for her.

I heaved a sigh, not quite sure if what I had realized added weight to my shoulders or took away from it. Is it harder to know you're always in second, or to not know?

I then realized how long I've been living in the dark, how long I've thought that Carly and I were as close as we could get with that line being there. But Carly and I have been being pulled apart for a while. Carly was content because she didn't have to worry about missing anything from herself, but me?

Oh yes. I saw it now. My eyes had been opened.

But was this good or bad?

I flipped my attention to the TV but couldn't quite hold it there. My stomach let out a long growl, and I sighed. I got up from my spot on the couch and headed to the kitchen to see what I could whip up.

I figured I'd cook up a creation of my own. I started the water boiling, and I pulled out spaghetti noodles, butter, and Parmesan cheese. I salted the water when it was slightly bubbling, and soon after it was boiling. I added some noodles, set the timer, and waited for them to be done as I preheated the oven. I followed the directions in my mind. Once the noodles were done I drained them, buttered them, and put them in a small dish. I added much Parmesan before baking it in the oven. As it was baking, a short knock came at my door.

Freddie was revealed behind it, and I rolled my eyes.

"Shouldn't you be over at Carly's goggling at her?" I asked, venom dripping from my every word.

"Shut up." he muttered as he pushed his way into my house. The timer dinged on my dinner, and I shut the door before rushing to get it out.

"Where's your mom?" he inquired.

"Gone with my dad." I stated as I turned off the oven and got a fork.

"Hmm." he commented, grabbing the fork and digging it into my dinner. He blew on his bite before stuffing it into his mouth. I angrily grabbed my fork back and headed back to the couch to eat.

"Wait, so you made that?"

"Yeah. So?"

"I never knew you could cook." he muttered.

"Of course you didn't. You're always too busy with Carly to notice me at all." I mumbled, and his head shot up.

"What? Why would you think that?"

"I don't know, dimwit, maybe 'cause its true." I said, rolling my eyes, but inside I was tearing myself up. Why did I tell him that?!

"Sam, thats not true. And even if it was, why would you care?" he questioned.

"You think its fun to be completely overlooked by everyone because they're too distracted by your best friend? You think its fun to find out that your boyfriend, one that made you feel like you actually mattered, tried to kiss your best friend?" I spat.

"No! And I hate Jonah for him doing that! But why would you care if _I_ overlooked you? All you do is make fun of me!"

"Because I have to, Freddie! If I don't then..." I stopped my mouth just before the truth would have been uttered. And I couldn't afford to let the truth out.

"Then what?" he demanded.

"Nothing." I insisted, taking another bite of my food.

"Sam. What were you going to say?"

"It doesn't matter." I muttered, shoving more food in my mouth. Freddie stared at me thoughtfully, and I felt like I was being looked at by some kid under a microscope.

"I think you're not telling me something." Freddie observed after a silence that could have broken eardrums. I got up and rinsed out my dish before setting it in the dishwasher.

"No, really? Why would I tell _you_ anything?" I spat, feeling a pang at my own heart when he flinched slightly.

"I thought...I thought we were friends."

"No Freddie. We aren't. Because the only reason you ever speak to me is because Carly would hate you if you didn't."

"But what about all those times we used to hang out together?" Freddie objected, sounding slightly desperate.

"I never said that we weren't friends in years past. But we aren't now."

"Why not?"

"Because you don't care." I whispered, feeling tears threatening to fall. Freddie stood and began to walk over to me.

"What?"

"You don't care about me, Freddie. Think about it." I told him, something boiling inside of me. "Why do you hate Jonah for trying to kiss Carly? Its because it was Carly he tried to kiss. You like her, and when someone tries anything with her you hate them. It has nothing to do with the fact that I got hurt. So don't try to kid yourself into believing thats why you hate him."

"I do care that he hurt you."

"No you don't!" I yelled, suddenly bursting.

"How can you think I don't care!?"

"Because you don't, Freddie! Nobody does!"

"Tons of people do!"

"My brother does, okay? Thats all."

"No-"

"Yes! Because everyone else is too in love with Carly to notice I'm even there! Why do you think I'm so mean to everybody? If I let people get close to me, then I'll just get hurt when they realize that they like Carly much more then they do me!" I screamed at him, a tear finally sliding down my face. I wiped it away furiously, hating that I was letting my guard down.

"Sam. Thats not true." Freddie insisted. I laughed.

"Oh sure, Freddie. Sure. I am _always_ second to Carly. Thats just how it is. I'm overlooked because I'm her sidekick. Its how its always been."

"No you're not. Don't say that."

"I'm only telling you the truth. Why do you think Jonah tried to kiss her?"

"Listen, I can understand you're hurt but-"

"You have _no idea_ how hurt I am. I don't care that we're not together. That is not why I'm hurt. I thought I'd finally found someone that liked me, not Carly. I finally thought that I was ahead of Carly. I felt like I mattered. I was finally whole again. But then I realized that it was never about me. It was all about Carly, and then that part of me was taken by Carly again." My voice lowered into a whisper. "And she'll always have that part of me."

"Sam..." Freddie trailed off, and I'm sure he didn't know what to say. I flicked another tear off my face, but it was followed by another. And then another. Freddie stepped up to me, but I only stood before him. His brown eyes stared into my blue, and I couldn't help but feel slightly exposed.

"I promise I won't leave you for Carly, Sam." he whispered, and I smiled slightly.

"I know you won't." I whispered back, and he smiled. "Because you already have."

I then turned from him, slipped on a pair of flip-flops and left my home. I stormed to the elevator, hurriedly pressing the ground floor button. The doors shut just as Freddie appeared before them.

I leaned against the elevator wall, taking deep breaths. I tried to stop the constant flow of tears rushing down my cheeks. The elevator halted, and I stepped out into the lobby. I rushed out of the building, feeling only a sprinkle of rain. I started walking in a random direction, trying to put as much distance between me and Freddie. I felt a hand on my arm, turning me around.

I guess that didn't work out too well.

"Sam."

"What Freddie?" I snapped as another tear fell. He cocked his head to the side slightly, cautiously lifting a hand to my cheek. His thumb brushed a falling tear away slowly.

"You just then made me realize something." he whispered.

"What?" I asked.

And just like that his lips were upon mine, and I was immediate to respond. I wrapped my arms around his neck, and his arms snaked around my waist, pulling me as close as I could get. Kissing him was nothing like I thought it would be. No, it was better. Because as we stood there, I felt like someone cared.

We both pulled apart, but I kept my eyes closed, scared that this would all be some dream or that he would realize he still liked Carly.

A comfortable silence settled in, and I slid my eyes open slowly. The brunette computer geek that I'd teased to keep out still stood before me.

"You're not going to hit me, are you?" Freddie asked slowly. I laughed slightly.

"No. Only if you're thinking of leaving." I whispered, looking at him pleadingly.

"Never." he whispered, placing his lips on mine once more.

And for the first time in a long time I felt completely whole.

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_You know, I liked that! _

_But its all about if YOU liked it._

_So, review lovies?_

_--Lani_


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